Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
