Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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