apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
