I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
