So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize