I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize