So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm passing your future prison.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
