Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
