Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize