3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
