I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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