So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
