last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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