I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
