so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
