the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
