the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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