my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
