you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
