I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
