Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
