i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
