He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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