I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
