We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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