Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
