I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
