Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
