Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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