Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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