i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
