what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize