i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
