Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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