She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
