saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
