I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
