Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
