Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
