I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
