He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
