I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
