Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize