My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
