Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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