if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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