found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
