I need help removing her.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
