Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
