Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
