He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Go christen that room with your naked body.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
