why didn't you poke me back
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
