I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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