I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
