YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
