But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize