i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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