you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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