Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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