Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im holly from the hills drunk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize