All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
