I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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