Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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