Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
