I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Too much gin, very little bucket
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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