I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
