god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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