I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
