if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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