Im at strip club and am horny
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
