I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
