I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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