He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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