I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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