just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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