I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
