She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
