you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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