there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
