your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
