Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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