I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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