I love black thongs
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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