I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
