before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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