Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
