hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
