$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
