CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
