i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
