you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
