My nipple is on Facebook.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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