I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
