In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
