I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize