i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
