just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
