You're so nebulous sometimes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
