the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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