hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
