I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
