hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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