I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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