Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
