The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
