Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
