STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
