im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
