Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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