Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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