Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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