i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
