Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize