gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me I should be a condom model.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
